One great part of my job is interviewing lots of interesting people. People who change my perspective and make me think for much longer than the duration of the phone call. One of those people was Scott Jones, a recent Ted X speaker, who enlightened me about the revelatory concept of a “fuck-it” list.
“I don’t need to see the Pyramids,” he admitted. “I don’t need to skydive. I just want to enjoy the small parts of everyday life.” Scott became a voice in my head from then on. I realized that there were things lingering on my bucket list that no longer made sense for the current version of me. I was putting off these activities for a reason.
When I was honest, I really didn’t want to do them. By letting them go rather than just putting them off, I made space for what I really wanted.
Intrigued? Here’s how to build your own:
1. Start looking for the areas of your life plagued by "shoulds."I am a yoga instructor, yet I always think it’s unnecessary when people say they should do yoga. There are many other opportunities to find inner calm or exercise or even wear those killer yoga pants. Maybe it doesn’t make sense for you, even though your friends are doing it. That's okay.
2. Take notice of the things you keep de-prioritizing.We like to think that when we will be older, we will have ample time to get all the things in order that we neglected when we were young. Maybe you really don’t need to have your photos organized. Maybe the boxes will do. You can use the time you would have spent organizing (or trying to talk yourself into organizing) creating new memories instead.
3. Acknowledge that if something brings more frustration than joy, it may not be worth your time.There are many things that we can’t control in our lives. What we do in our free time, however, we can control. After my second knitting class, I realized that I wasn’t getting the benefits that knitting devotees swore by. I was spending most of the time silently cursing. It wasn’t my passion. I recently tossed those knitting needles. Maybe another version of me will want to pick it up, but the one I know right now certainly doesn’t. And there's no reason to waste time trying to like something I don't.
There's no better time to explore this concept than during the “coulda woulda shoulda”–laden holiday season. We tend to add on to already full plates rather than using this time to sort out what isn't actually a good use of our time.
Maybe you don’t want to travel this year. Maybe you don’t want to be in a relationship and you are enjoying the sweet freedom of being single. Toss some of those bucket list items to the side. We can start living today, with honest expressions of who we are.
Why not just say, "Fuck it"?
""""One of the most mortifying moments I experienced in my theatrical career was when I was asked to bring the entirely African-American cast of a new musical we were workshopping, a new piece by an African-American librettist and composer, across the street to the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion and up into the plush boardroom so they could perform a song or two for the board of directors. I wanted to say something, but I didn't. For one thing, it would take an invaluable 45 minutes to an hour out of the creative team's limited time together. But... every year we had to do the same old song and dance for the board to remind them that yes, we did do new plays and musicals, so yes, it was sometimes a good idea to expose the board to new voices, to the vibrancy of an exciting work in progress.
You all know where this is going, don't you? I led the team in. The talent in that team! The writer/composer himself and the cast, lauded veterans of the stage and the most promising members of the next generation of acting giants. And there was our board. White, as white as can be, white white white white. And very comfortable. They'd just been served lunch, I believe. My theater spared no expense in pleasing our board and catering to their demands (oh my god, I'm feeling such rage right now! I'm pretty sure we had a staff member who was mostly dedicated to help our richest board members get house seats to shows on Broadway and the West End. But I digress...)
The only black face in the audience seated at the conference table? The only person of color? The head of our education department, of course. My heart went out to her.
The cast sang a song from the show. They did it. And they brought it. Because they were and are professionals. And the very pillars of the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion reverberated down to the parking lot. It was breathtaking.
And I had just been complicit in the remaking of a scene for the millionth time: black bodies and voices entertaining white audiences, an institution raising money on the backs and voices of black bodies.
I was too mortified to apologize to our writer and to our cast, none of whom, I should add, expressed even an iota of discomfort. They were professionals, and they shone. And come to think of it, they'd probably all become accustomed to this scene. "It's just how theater works," they might have thought with a shrug of their shoulders. Or maybe they seethed inside, for the millionth time, when all they were trying to do is workshop a new musical.
Well, I apologize sincerely now to our writer and those actors. I wish I had had the courage to put my foot down. It is not how theater should work.
I quit the American theater on Valentine's Day 2016, so I've been out more than four years now. And honestly I don't plan to return, which is why I can write with such candor.
The heart of the problem, my friends, is with the non-profit structure, which is capitalism on steroids. Who are the bosses ultimately in an American institutional theater? The board of directors. Who are the board of directors? For the most part, those members of the community not with the strongest attachment to the art form but those with the deepest pockets. Often they're really not members of the community. They often just drop in. They are sometimes mere tourists.
It's no wonder that that board meeting was held in the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion. The theater, like most American theaters, had built its board of directors on the old opera model: You get the richest folks together, offer them galas and house seats and receptions and private recitals and showings (for which artists often don't get paid extra, mind you), you pamper them and make them feel more special and entitled than they already do, and then they'll write you big checks to support the kind of art they like, the kind of art they can bring their kids and grandkids to. AND they--not the artists, not the community--get to hire the institution's leadership.
It is a rotten model. Rotten to the core. How can any artistic institution claim to be working for and in the community with that model?
It's got to be torn down. It's got to be reinvented. And I have no idea what the next model will be. I really don't. And no, honestly I don't think government is the solution frankly. Some of the most bloated, self-satisfied, decadent theater I've ever seen was in Germany, where it was almost fully government-funded. Lots of bells and whistles and provocations and completely soul-dead.
I see amazing and galvanizing lists of demands recently being made and posted by theater artists of color. These are vital demands. But they don't address the central issue. As long as the ultimate bosses of an artistic institution remain the community's deepest pockets, nothing will change. Nothing. You'll be putting band-aids on a gaping wound. Sorry, but it's true.
So please figure something else out. Maybe for a few years you just avoid the institutions. You've already started. In the pandemic, so many of you are making amazing art without an institution. Find those who truly adore your work and ask them to fund it. Screw non-profit. Form a corporation and value your art art-making as a resource that profits you, your viewers/audience and your community. I have no idea.
But please don't return to a new version of the old. After the virus, after he's out of office, after police reform and nationwide conversations about race, after, after, after, begin something new. I can't wait to see what it is!”
Words: Pier Carlo Talenti
Video: Griffin Matthews
April Yvette Thompson