Photo by Debra Lopez
When you get an audition, how does it make you feel? In your gut?
I'm talking before you even walk in the room or peek at the sides.
To be honest,
when I saw my agent's name light up the caller ID on my cell, I used to instantly feel...
JUST PLAIN WRONG.
On a basic level, I thought that the things I had to offer, despite my training, despite my preparation, despite my point of view, were not enough.
Not young enough, thin enough. The wrong skin color. The wrong hair. The wrong clothes. The wrong pictures.
I spent way too long trying to form myself into what I thought the industry wanted me to be, namely other people.
I'd obsess over successful actors' IMDB pages. How did she book that role? How did she get that agent? Where did she train? Who took her pictures? Who does her hair? Who does she know? Who is she dating?
It's a shitty way to walk around this town...constantly tearing yourself down. Constantly comparing yourself to others.
Today I can name what my real problem was: FEAR.
I'm happy that I'm on the other side of that fear today, but it was a journey. I won't lie.
What if you could move from Fear to F*CK it?
Let me be clear. I'm not talking about being sloppy or not doing your work.
In fact, it's just the opposite.
I'm talking about pursuing your dreams with such passion, commitment and work ethic that you love it no matter the results.
The value of the work is no longer dependent on its acceptance by someone else.
It's no longer tied to if you book that job or not.
It's not about pleasing others.
It's about stepping into your power and living up to your own standard, your own voice, your own unique expression.
That sounds pretty damn transformational to me.
The good news? You can have it. Anytime you're ready, that power is there for the taking.
April Yvette Thompson