Photo by Debra Lopez
I wrestle w/the expectation of good, but I know that I deserve to be handled w/tender-loving care, supported in my vulnerabilty & protected. These are the conditions in which the human spirit can transform the fabric of one’s life.
Stories that were less than this felt draining, less fulfilling bec in the telling, I felt no connection to those little girls watching me knowing that even though the world told them otherwise, they had a unique experience that deserved to be told even though no one was telling it. I haven’t read, seen or heard a script in which I recognize myself in the last 15 years.
I noticed this only once I realized what my unique emotional chords were...these are the lessons I was put here to master in this lifetime, they are the wounds my ancestors didn't have enough time to heal...I was actually getting back that time & reframing what was possible for me in this lifetime.
There were roles that were in the pocket of my emotional chords & not surprisingly the directors in these roles were magical as well, bec they were casting my soul’s song, not my age, not my skin color, not my height, weight or gender.
I remember keenly that in each of these roles when I went into audition, I was a completely different physical type from all the actors in the room & bec of that, I felt like:
well, let me go in here & act from my most vulnerable self.
When I did that & was cast in roles I was told I would never play & the experiences w/those directors was magical. They saw my humanity, valued it & saw it as the key to the character’s depth & raising the emotional stakes of the story.
They saw my unique gifts & used them: the vulnerabilty warrior packaged like an ingenue, but working her will w/the crone’s wisdom. They got it & in the moments where I got to play those roles, the work was sublime & those directors collaborated w/me to create a unique portrait of a human being whose life was complex & purpose-filled.
The places where I was playing the object who exists to tell the story of a formulaic character/storyline were exhausting, the performances forgettable bec they were not in my purpose.
Check back next Tuesday for Part 3
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April Yvette Thompson