THE DREAMUNLOCKED
  • TheDreamUnLocked
  • Actor Classes
    • What's Your Actor Super Power?
    • Emotional Type Audition Technique
    • How to Double Your Auditions
    • GET UNSTUCK >
      • I Am Enuf DOL MiniCourse
    • BLOGS >
      • BadAssActor Blog
      • BadAssWriter Blog
  • Writer Classes
    • What is the Solo Show Secret
    • Fix My Solo Show
    • Journalling into Story
    • How to Start Writing MiniCourse
    • Writer MiniRetreats
  • ABOUT APRIL
    • Work with April
    • Privacy Policy
  • Testimonials
  • DONATE
  • GetUnStuck CTA

​​BadAss Actor Blog

Subscribe

You're here to tell your story, not prove you're worthy...

8/13/2021

0 Comments

 
PictureThere’s no expiration dates for women. That has to go. Because you can kick ass at any age. You can hold your own at any age, you can dream at any age, you can be romantic at any age. We have the right to be loved for who we are at the place that we are. We’re not just here to make babies, we’re not just here to baby the men. We’re not just here to service everything and everyone around us.” -Selma Hayal
When people ask me why I write and what I teach, I say I teach folks how to write from their Soul's Song because learning to write this way saved my life and alerted me to my birthrite: joy.  Memoir writing is simply writing about your life from the deepest places within yourself.  People write memoir to save their lives. It can take the form of a novel, play, screenplay, standup, journalling, creative writing.  The form is irrelevant, the clarity of writing from a place of what your soul knows is what's important and at the heart of every amazing story we can't forget.  We write about what we know.   We write our soul's song to remember why we're here, to reflect on what we got wrong and to do more of what feels good and fulfilling.  We write our stories to learn how much of what we thought to be true is somebody else's damage and not our own clear seeing.  Been thinking about this a lot lately as I watch so many women confuse their life's purpose with spending a life trying to prove they are worthy. 

Who people are when they become older is who they were all along and it has little or nothing to do with you.  It's interesting to watch adult children still trying to earn the love of indifferent or hostile elderly parents out of what seems like obligation and honorable duty, but is actually just that small child still asking to be loved.   

​As I think about the possibility of growing old alone, I start to plan how to make that happen as easily as possible without burdening anyone.  Because caring for someone should never be a burden.  If it is, it's because that person never engendered within the caretaker a feeling of genuine joy and unconditional love.  I find that older parents or mates that treat their child or spouse with hostility are people who have spent their lives setting up a certain dynamic with the ones they love.  They rely on that dynamic to ensure they are treated the way they want to be treated for the rest of their lives.  Whether it's withholding love to maintain control over someone who desperately yearns for their love or indifference towards a mate or child whose love they found to be too requiring of their attention.  Either scenario leaves one person in power and the other always trying to measure up. 

I see it in children of alcoholics, addicts, narcissist, depressed parents repeat these cycles in their choice of mate and eventually with their own children.   As I try to lead my life in the way that makes me most happy, centered and sane, I realize only I am responsible for the treatment I receive and when it no longer matches how I want to feel, it;s up to me to change that.  What my beautiful friend Abby Paige calls a sort of "audacious self-respect" leaves the owness for your self care in your hands.  So, you can spend a life time trying to get the love you need from folks incapable (for whatever irrelevant reason) to give it or you can spend a lifetime creating a life in which you feel whole and cherished and accept nothing less.  The difference is you come to expect or require the goodness you want.  That's the only power you have: the power to leave and find something more inline with who you're becoming.    Sticking around trying to earn something from someone is a power dynamic that is at the heart of control, power, domination and a kind of self-centered need to owe no one or anything any level of accountability unless there is a transaction involved. 

I feel like humans have created a culture of transactional relationships in the family life that extends to tribes and nations, civilizations, religious and ethinic groups.  We've created sexism, colonialism, racism, religious fanaticism in an effort to take from something from someone that we have not earned and thereby control them by demonizing them when they don't give you what you want.  

This all occurred to me recently when I was thinking about all the displaced and murdered children of Native Americans and oddly enough another story I was reading about Druids.  Because of course, before the rise of Christianity as an institution under Constantinople (because Jesus never required us to form a church, that was man's doing) there were all kinds of gods many of whom were women.  The freedom to choose which one struck you, was up to the person.  It's hard to control people and bend them to your will, if they don't share the same ultimate source of right or God.  So, to ensure male dominance, it became necessary to get everyone believing in one man: Jesus.   This was necessary for nation states to become nation states.  It's true of ALL religions.  Man has figured out, many human beings deep need to feel there is an almighty, all knowing creator organizing the fates of their lives.  So mankind created governments, countries, institutions that feed on that need as a way to control all the various tribes and keep them from killing each other ad nauseum. 

It's is at the heart of most civilizations and we're still killing each other over this need to control one another.  But the first place this need shows up in is in the family unit and then it spreads out from there.  Solitude and charting one's own course with the understanding that you entered this world alone and that's how you will leave it, gives you the space and time to ponder how to create a life all your own.  One not dependent on needing to control or be controlled by someone else.

I look around at the structure of relationships I encounter from religious groups to married couples and children and parents and see us all creating these same paradigms.   Everyone is engaged in relationships where one person is in power and the other is not.  At my core, I do not believe relationships need to function this way, but until people spend as much time trying to become whole and healed, we will continually settle for relationships that mimic the broken parts of a families and societies.  Be controlled or be destroyed is not the only choice, but it seems to be the choice we've all made and the world the way it looks right now is the result.

I've come to expect and require more of us.  So I wait for what I know is possible.  Living beyond your wounds is terrifying, difficult and possible but it requires the courage to prioritize healing, solidtude and trust that the way you landed here is good enough and has always been good enuf.  There is no love or stamp of approval that has to be earned, you are a miracle unto yourself.  Now go find your joy....  That's the human challenge....go within, heal and become whole. Dare to travel that journey alone and without the need for approval.   

0 Comments

Your comment will be posted after it is approved.


Leave a Reply.

    ILove the blog? Consider donating so we can continue to provide great creative content.
    DONATE

    April Yvette Thompson
    is a Tony-winning
    producer,
    writer
    &  actor
    ​working
    across media.  


    FOUNDER/CEO of TheDreamUnLocked: Boutique Coaching for Actors, Writers & Dreamers⁣⁣
    ⁣⁣
    W/25 years of teaching, acting, writing & advocating for people's dreams, April has the uncanny ability to help her clients find their personal transformation magic. ⁣⁣
    ⁣⁣
    April is a midwife of genius: helping u give birth to ur dreams & crossing the finish line to ur goals. ⁣⁣
    ⁣⁣
    The DreamingOutLoud Technique from April's Ted Talk: ReWrite Your Story, is the basis of her teaching method⁣⁣
    ⁣⁣
    . • Writing is the way to focus ourselves in the present, on what's working & figuring out new ways to get around old problems⁣⁣

    ​ ⁣⁣ •Writing is a way to align the life ur living w/the life uv always dreamed about⁣⁣
    ⁣⁣
    • Writing is also how u let go of the BS beliefs u have about what ur capable of.⁣⁣ The DreamingOutLoud Technique allows ⁣⁣u to grieve the losses, forgive urself for past mistakes & weave a new story of how ud like to spend the rest of ur life thriving instead of just surviving.⁣⁣
    ⁣⁣
    HOW I HELP YOU MOVE FROM FEAR TO F🌀CK THIS⁣⁣
    The DreamingOutLoud Technique uses writing exercises, a rigorous questioning process & dismantling of all the limiting beliefs u hold that no longer serve u⁣⁣
    ⁣⁣
    Like Kali, the Hindu goddess of destruction & transformation, I help u root out the dead weight so that u can focus on flying. ⁣⁣
    ⁣⁣
    I teach u
    How to get⁣⁣
    past FEAR ⁣⁣
    to F🌀CK THIS ⁣⁣
    F🌀CK THIS is that place where even though you're broke & nothing is working & you're afraid of complete failure, you finally decide:⁣⁣
    ⁣⁣
    I'm doing this sh🦋t by any means necessary because JOY is my BIRTHRITE.⁣⁣
    ⁣⁣
    TheDreamingOutLoud Technique is what happens next after F🌀CK THIS
    ⁣⁣⁣⁣
    From escaping the Pork N' Beans projects to Vassar, Broadway/Film/TV & doing the fabulous black expat writer thing in Morocco; I've figured out how to ⁣⁣WEAVE a RICH life ⁣⁣
    by RE-IMAGINING ⁣⁣POOR beginnings
    ⁣⁣
    I’ve created a process where u can learn how to change the very fabric of your life. This magic is available to everyone⁣⁣
    It's called ReWriteYourStory, the fuel that drives the DreamingOutLoud Technique

    TheDreamUnLocked.com
    AprilYvetteThompson.com



    Categories

    All
    12 Step MFA
    26 Things
    9 Times Fast
    Acting For The Camera
    Actor
    Actor Blues
    Actor Bullshit
    Actor Entreprenuer
    Actor Inspiration
    Actor Nudity
    Actor Prep
    Actor Problems
    Actors Arsenal
    Actorsarsenal
    Actor-tip
    Actor Training Programs
    Actor-vs-star
    Agent
    Aisha-hinds
    Alfre Woodard
    April In April
    April Yvette Thompson
    Artistentrepreneur
    Artist Housing
    Artist Shit
    Artists Survival Job
    ASK April
    Asking Permission
    Auditioning
    Audition Jitters
    Badass Actor
    BadAssActor
    BadAssActor FB Group
    Badass Black Womn
    Bald Black Beauty
    Beyonce-badassery
    Beyonce-badassery
    BFA
    Biggest Question About OnCameraAuditions
    Black Actresses
    Black Girl Magic
    Black History Month Special Edition Of The BadAssActors Arsenal Newsletter
    Black-ish
    Black Love On Primetime
    Blackness
    Black Panther
    Black-panther
    Black Women Telling Their Stories
    BOOK IT
    Branding
    Branding And Marketing
    Brene-brown
    Building An Acting Career
    BULL
    Burning Bridges
    Burning-questions-about-acting
    Burningquestionsaboutacting
    Business Of Acting
    Calling Your Own Shots
    Call To Performing Artists
    Case-study
    Center Of Your Emotional Range
    Character
    Character Actor
    Character Actor Vs Leading Actor
    Cherise Boothe
    Clients
    Client Success Stories
    Compassion
    Courage Over Fear
    COVID Wakeup Call
    Danai Gurira
    Dark Brown Girl Problems
    Dark Skin Representations
    Diversity
    Don-cheadle
    Don-cheadle-on-acting
    Dora Milaje
    Dreambuilder
    DreamingMoroccoRetreat
    Dreamingoutloud
    DreamingOutloud Emotional Type
    DreamingOutLoud For Writers
    DreamingOutLoud MiniCourse
    DreamingOutLoud Technique
    Ellen-pompeo
    Emotional Branding
    Emotional Chords
    Emotional Type
    Emotional Type Vs Physical Type
    Empathy
    Epa
    Failure
    Fall-in-love-with-acting
    Fck-it-moment
    Fck-that
    Fear
    Film
    Film-tv
    Financial Security
    Fit-for-a-queen
    Focus
    FOMA
    Fuck-availability-checks
    Fundraising
    Game Of Thrones
    Game Of Throness
    Gene-wilder-on-acting
    Getanagentmanager
    Getting An Agent
    Getting Out Of Your Own Way
    Getting Out Of Your Way
    Getting-out-of-your-way
    Getting Paid What You're Worth
    Get Unstuck
    Gift Certificates
    Goal Setting
    Greatest-actor-of-our-generation
    Greys-anatomy
    Growth
    Growtth
    Happiness
    Harriet Tubman
    Healing
    How To Be A Working TV Actor
    How To Get An Agent
    How To Move From FEAR To F
    How To Move Into TV/Film
    How To Write A Solo Show
    How To Write Your Story
    Idris-elba
    Inspiration
    Intention
    Intention Vs Goal Setting
    It-girl-summit
    Kerry Washington
    Let Go Or Be Dragged
    Life Changers
    Life Coaching
    Life Lessons
    Lord Of The Rings
    Love-art
    Lupita Nyong’o
    Make Your Own Work
    Making Your Own Work
    Maria Bello
    Marketing
    Marketing Strategy
    Mary Boughey
    Masters Of The Craft
    Memoir
    Memorization
    Mentor
    Meryl-streep
    MFA
    Mfae
    Michael B Jordan
    Michael Harriot
    Mini MasterClass
    Modesto-lacen
    Monetize
    Motherfucking-actor
    Musician
    Natural Hair
    Never-ever-give-up
    Newsletter
    Not-show-talent
    Nudity
    Oncamera
    On Camera Acting
    On Camera Auditioning
    Oncamera Audition Technique
    One Man Show
    One Woman Show
    Online Business
    Openhandsopenheart
    Paul Robeson
    Period Work
    Pilot Season
    Pilot Season Prep
    Pilot Season Strategy
    Pissing-people-off
    Play
    Playwright
    Playwrights
    Political Theatre
    Private Coaching
    Process
    Procrastination
    Producer
    Production Company
    Psychological Gesture
    Purposeful Life
    Raise-money-for-your-acting-career
    Recurring Emotional Chords
    Reg-cathey
    Rejection
    Release The Struggle
    Resilience
    Retreats
    ReWrite Your Story
    SAG-AFTRA
    SciFi Fantasy
    Screenplay
    Screenwriter
    Screenwriters
    Self Love
    Self Producing
    Selfproducing
    Self-producingartist
    Selfproducingartist
    Self Submission
    Self-Submitting
    Self-submitting
    Self-Tape
    Self Worth
    Self-worth
    Selfworth
    Setting Goals
    Show-business
    Simonsays-entertainment
    Singer
    Solo Artist
    Solo Performer
    Solo Play
    Solo Show
    Soulfood
    Soul Song
    Start A Coaching Business
    Start An Online Business
    Starving Artist BS
    Stay The Course
    Storytellers
    Storytelling
    Storytelling Circle
    Style Work
    Success
    Sugar Hill Film
    Support Films With Roles In It For You
    TellYourStory
    Theatre
    The Business Of Acting
    The Questions
    Therapy
    Theresa Randle
    The Walking Dead
    TheWritersRoom
    TimeSavingHacks
    Tv
    TV Writer
    Ultimate 30min Aud Prep
    Victimhood
    Viola Davis
    Voice-speech
    Vulnerability
    Wesley Snipes
    What's Your Fuck THIS Moment?
    White Actors Suing POC Projects
    WHY BRITISH ACTORS ARE TAKING YOUR JOBS
    Working Actor
    Working For Free
    Writer

    RSS Feed

  • TheDreamUnLocked
  • Actor Classes
    • What's Your Actor Super Power?
    • Emotional Type Audition Technique
    • How to Double Your Auditions
    • GET UNSTUCK >
      • I Am Enuf DOL MiniCourse
    • BLOGS >
      • BadAssActor Blog
      • BadAssWriter Blog
  • Writer Classes
    • What is the Solo Show Secret
    • Fix My Solo Show
    • Journalling into Story
    • How to Start Writing MiniCourse
    • Writer MiniRetreats
  • ABOUT APRIL
    • Work with April
    • Privacy Policy
  • Testimonials
  • DONATE
  • GetUnStuck CTA